Thursday, June 21, 2012
Ask Mikey: It's never too late to apologize
Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
June 21, 2012
Dear Mikey,
I am finding myself feeling awfully guilty for how I have treated my father in the past. Growing up, we both had our differences and well, let’s just say we didn’t exactly see eye to eye. Things were said, there were a lot of hurt feelings flying around back and forth, which has led to a lot of regret on my part that I know of for sure. My younger sister and my mother have always stayed out of our disagreements because they knew the drill between my father and I.
I am well into my 30s now and my father is approaching his mid-60s. We have the occasional family and holiday dinner gatherings now, and my father and I can hold a conversation just fine. However, at least in the back of my mind, I am feeling a lot of overwhelming guilt lately because of what has happened between us over the years. It is almost like we passed our bickering stage and we get along great now, but at the same time there was never any closure from what he and I went through. No I’m sorry’s were ever exchanged or explanations. I just can’t move forward because it still bothers me and I feel really bad for all of the terrible things I said over the years and did.
Is it too late to apologize?
—Feeling Guilty in the Foothills
Dear Feeling Guilty in the Foothills,
It is NEVER too late to apologize for anything that we may have said or done wrong in our past. Yet, what we all forget is that apologies are not just for us to relieve our guilty consciences or to “man up” and take responsibility for any wrong actions we may have taken throughout the years, but it is also a gift you can give for the other person you may have wronged. An apology can help heal the other person’s pain as well as your own. To forgive is one of life’s greatest gifts we can give to one another, but so is apologizing.
I am glad to hear that things seem to be fine with you and your father now as you both have grown older. I understand that you are feeling guilty because you have never apologized to your father. On the other hand though, have you ever put yourself in your father’s shoes? Perhaps he is feeling just as guilty as you are right now and is asking himself the same question, as to whether or not it is too late to apologize to you.
You are right that you both never received any closure from all of the fighting or arguing you did over the years, especially if you guys have never sat down to talk about it or to conventionally apologize to each other. And, if you yourself have children of your own now, chances are you have experienced with your own children the battles of parenting that come about every so often. Sometimes when you are trying to be a good parent, you may not always be popular with your child, and sometimes your child won’t see eye to eye with your decisions because they may not understand the lesson you are trying to teach them. Be that as it may, that doesn’t mean that your child won’t understand the lesson you were trying to teach them one day, years down the road. Perhaps some of your arguments with your father were in relation to this type of scenario, and perhaps they were about something entirely different. Either way, what’s said and done is said and done. You can’t take back any of it and you have done nothing about it to this point, so that’s not making you feel any better either, which means that what you are doing is not quite working for you. Therefore, is it too late to apologize? NEVER.
It is NEVER too late to apologize to anyone about anything. The apology will mean so much to your father after all of these years, will relieve you of your guilt, and will probably strengthen your relationship with your father from here on out.
The only way it will ever be too late to apologize is if you never do it, for our loved ones won’t always be here.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Ask Mikey: Just let the kids be kids and have fun
June 7, 2012
Dear Mikey,
My son has been playing sports since
he was a little boy and now that he is getting older, we have been signing him
up for club sports teams as well as school teams. He loves to play sports and
is quite the athlete; however, lately we have been noticing a few things that
have been bothering his father and I about what happens while he is involved on
these teams.
A lot of the parents seem to be more
competitive than the kids that are playing. We have always taught our son to
show good sportsmanship no matter what the outcome of the game is. For example,
when the game is over we encourage our son to shake hands and say “good job” to
the other players on the other team. We also taught our son that if someone
gets hurt, no matter what team they are on, that he should help the hurt player
up, and so on.
At the last game we attended (on a new
team we just signed him up on), another player on the other team was hurt and
so my son tried to help him up just like we taught him. One of the parents on
my son’s team shouted that he was wasting game time by walking over and helping
the other boy up. My husband and I could not believe our ears. During the same
game, the boys were showing respect for each other and good sportsmanship by
shaking hands with one another after the game ended with the opposing team.
Yet, a different parent started yelling from the bleachers that the game was
fixed and that the coaches didn’t do a good job, all for everyone else to hear.
What’s disappointing is the kids were
having such a great time just playing and the parents were actually the ones
ruining the game by complaining and showing examples of bad sportsmanship. The
kids had better sportsmanship than the parents. By the parents shouting out
disrespectful comments to where all of the children could hear, in my opinion,
was giving all of the players a bad example of how they should act at a game.
Do these parents not realize the
example they are setting? Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids and to
have fun and just play and enjoy the game?
-Anonymous
Hi Anonymous,
You are correct. Kids should just be
able to have fun on these club sports teams while the parents sit in the stands
cheering their children on without any displays of bad sportsmanship. By
showing bad sportsmanship, the parents are setting a bad example not only for
their own child, but for the other children playing.
That is outstanding that you and your
husband teach your son about good sportsmanship because you are building and
setting up a foundation for him to carry with him for every single team he is
ever on for the rest of his life. Yet, good sportsmanship doesn’t just stay on
the field or on the court, it is a life-skill he can take with him outside of
sports. For example, it is a skill he can use in the classroom by encouraging
other students when they get a right answer or good grade on a science project,
or even in the workplace when he gets older by congratulating a fellow
co-worker on a promotion. So the fact that your son is attaining this skill at
a young age is very impressive. It also shows leadership among the other
children who may not have been taught the importance of good sportsmanship and
they can follow your son’s lead.
Parents need to realize that they are
at the game to show support for their child and the team. They need to remember
that kids look up to adults and mirror their behavior. So if a child is playing
on a baseball team and some other child’s parent starts yelling negative words
from the stands, that parent needs to realize that they are influencing every
single child on the field at that very moment, and that is not setting a good
example.
Club sports teams are provided for
children to improve their physical skills, while also learning about teamwork
and staying healthy. It is not a second chance for parents to relive their lost
childhood dreams of becoming a famous baseball or basketball player through
their child. Children are innocent and do not deserve that type of punishment.
It is not fair to them. The teams are about the children so parents need to let
their competitive side go and let the kids have a good time while they learn a
lot about the specific sport they are playing. The bottom line: let kids be
kids and just have fun.
Thanks for teaching your son about the
value of good sportsmanship. Hopefully, the other parents will lead by your
example.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Ask Mikey: Keep moving forward and things will work out
Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
April 26, 2012
Dear Mikey,
A few years ago, I was on top of the world. I had a great
job, a great relationship, a great home, and a great group of friends. Life
could not get any better and I was extremely happy. Then right when the down
economy hit, I accidentally made a mistake at my job. A mistake that ended up
costing me my job, my relationship, my friends and, eventually, I lost my home.
I have had to pay for my mistake each and every single
second of every single day ever since, going on three years now. Whenever I try
to apply for a new job, it gets thrown back in my face again, and whenever I
run into my old friends, it somehow gets brought up once again. I have been
through a lot over the last three years and I have faced it mostly by myself.
However, over the last three years I have made a lot of positive changes in my
life, such as I have returned to my church, returned to school to better my job
skills, and have learned to be more grateful for all of the things and people I
am still blessed to have in my life.
Yet, while I am trying to move on the past keeps holding me
back. How am I supposed to move on when jobs and people won’t give me a chance
to because my past is always brought back up? How am I supposed to defeat the
problems I caused in my past that are still affecting me today?
Adam L.
Dear Adam,
I am sorry to hear that you have been dealing with some
hardships over the past few years. However, at the same time, I commend you for
your courage to take a bad situation and turn it into a positive one by
changing your life around. That is not an easy task so I admire the changes you
have made.
It seems like you are trying to move on with your life but
there are factors and even some people in your life that are holding you back
by constantly throwing your past back in your face. So I can imagine your frustration.
I have a suggestion. Have you ever tried talking to your
friends? Have you ever told them how it makes you feel when they are constantly
bringing up what happened three years ago? If they are true friends, and you
tell them that it just adds more negativity to your current situation when they
bring the past up, they should be understanding, apologize, and should not
bring it up anymore. However, a great way to determine whether or not they are
true friends is to put them to the test. If you ask them to stop bringing up
the past and they continue to do so, then they are obviously not true friends
and you should cut them out of your life immediately.
The only way for you to move on with your life is to
surround yourself with only positive and understanding people. Right now you
need positive support, and anything negative will just hinder your situation
and your self-esteem even more.
As for the job situation, if something that you did at your
previous job landed on your record as to where it may show up on a background
check then that could be something negative that may be hard to avoid. The
majority of jobs these days require background checks, and so each time you
apply for new employment you should already have the mindset that it will be
brought up. At that point all you can do is be very honest with what happened
at your previous job and realize that the place you are applying to can either
look past what happened and give you a second chance, or they can hold it
against you. However, if they hold it against you, just cross that job off of
your list and move on. Dwelling on negative things such as getting rejected by
a job you applied to will just make your situation even worse. You have to keep
fighting this battle, keep moving forward and try to stay as positive as you
possibly can. Persistence is key in this type of situation and just know that
soon you will get hired; you just need to find the right fit for an employer to
hire you. If they ask about your situation just be honest and really sell
yourself and what you have to offer.
I think that the fact that you have grown as a person in a
positive way after you have been through all of these hardships over the past
few years and have made all of the changes you have already made is very
inspiring. You never gave up and you still haven’t to this day. You should be
very proud of yourself.
Just hang in there and only surround yourself around
positive people. Allowing anything negative or anything that keeps reminding
you of your past will only hold you back from your future. We all deserve
second chances, but we have to first be the ones that actually allow ourselves
to have that second chance. You don’t even realize how strong of a person you
are already. Tomorrow is a new day. Keep moving forward and everything will
work out. I promise you.
Ask Mikey: Where is the love for our community?
March 1, 2012
Dear Mikey,
I have lived in Ahwatukee my whole life, and one advantage
that I have been blessed to have is great trails around the mountains that
surround the Ahwatukee area.
I have been hiking since I was a little kid and really enjoy
it. However, lately I am noticing something that is really disappointing me.
When I have been going on hikes (and I go once a day), over the past few
months, there is suddenly a ton of trash everywhere on the trails. People are
leaving their water bottles, Power Bar wrappers, protein shake containers as
well as beer bottles all along the trails to where it is starting to ruin my
enjoyment of hikes. I used to be able to just hike and enjoy the beauty of the
trails and now I am finding myself bringing an extra bag with me to collect all
of the trash that I find. The sad part is I actually fill a plastic bag all the
way full with all of the trash that I find.
Do people not realize that they are ruining one of Arizona’s
natural wonders of hiking, let alone Ahwatukee’s?
— Chris G.
Dear Chris,
That is disappointing that people are not picking up their
trash along the trails. Aside from it being disappointing, it could also be
dangerous. For example, if someone left a glass bottle near a trail and the
wind blew it over to where it broke, a dog hiking with its owner could get
glass caught in their paws, or a child could somehow come across the glass and
cut themselves.
Ahwatukee does have beautiful trails like you mentioned, but
the only way we are all going to continue to have these beautiful trails is if
we all do our part. For example, if someone brings a water bottle with them
while hiking on a trail, they should be responsible enough to bring the water
bottle back down the trail and throw it in a garbage/recycle bin. The same
should go for wrappers and other trash items. It is not fair that other people
have to pick up trash left behind by others just because they were lazy and did
not feel like throwing away their trash.
We all live here, so therefore we all have to hold ourselves
accountable and be responsible. If you don’t think you can carry an empty
wrapper down the mountain or hold on to your empty water bottle while hiking,
then you should not bring anything like that on the mountain with you. One can
easily just bring a water backpack with them so they can stay hydrated that
way. And if they do have food wrappers, they can just zip them up in their bag
and throw their trash away later.
You are right, Chris. By having trash on the trails it ruins
everyone’s enjoyment of hiking. Let’s all come together as a community and pick
up after ourselves and our animals, and not trash our mountains. This way we
can all enjoy hiking!
Dear Mikey,
My son attends a school here in Ahwatukee and the other day
he came home with dog waste on his shoe. When I asked how he stepped in dog
waste, he told me that he stepped on it while playing soccer at lunch on the
field at recess. I couldn’t believe it when he told me, but I have another
friend whose daughter goes to a different school and she said she walked out to
the recess field to pick up her daughter early one day and said she spotted a
pile of dog waste where the kids were playing as well.
What are people thinking?
— Sarah
Dear Sarah,
What are people thinking is right. There are signs posted at
various school sites that specifically say to pick up your dog’s waste. So, the
fact that people are not picking up their dog’s waste, despite the signs being
posted, is just showing that they are not being responsible.
What’s disappointing is the fact that they are not even
thinking about what their actions will consequent in. For example, here you are
as a mother on the other side of all of this. Because someone decided to go on
school property after hours and let their dog go to the bathroom and not clean
it up, now your son who was just innocently playing soccer at recess like every
child has a right to, accidentally steps in it and then has to carry it around
with him for the duration of school, only to bring it home for you to clean up.
I can totally understand your frustration.
We as the community need to understand what the consequences
of our actions will be before we make decisions. If we don’t think about the
consequences then how can we make responsible decisions? That is just it, we
can’t.
If various people at various Ahwatukee schools are
complaining about dog waste issues, then obviously this is becoming a problem.
If you are a dog owner please bring a bag to pick up after your dog. By leaving
it on school property, you are just waiting to cause something bad to happen.
And I am not just talking about kids coming home to their parents with dirty
shoes. But more along the lines of what if a child slips in it and touches it,
then eats lunch afterwards without washing their hands? How would you feel if
someone didn’t pick up their dog waste and YOUR child was the one who stepped
in it, slipped in it, or even touched it? Chances are you would probably not be
a happy parent.
Please pick up after your pets and do the responsible thing,
as well as do not leave any trash where kids play. School custodians have
enough on their plate as it is and it is not their responsibility to go out and
check for something that should not even be there in the first place.
Ask Mikey: Four Ahwatukee women took my 28-day challenge and succeeded
Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
January 31, 2012
On Feb. 1, 2011 four women decided to try the 28 Day Challenge (see January 2011 Ask Mikey's column, "A 28-Day Challenge that could change your life and the lives of those around you") and their lives have changed ever since.
It all started with one woman named Patty.
Patty read the article and thought that she would give the challenge a try because there were a few changes she wanted to make in her own life. So she decided her challenge would be to give up all sugar and to exercise more.
"The first day of my challenge was the hardest because anyone that knows me knows how much I love sugar and sweets," Patty said.
With giving up all sugar, she also added giving up all desserts in general. One year later, Patty has lost a total of 22 1/2 pounds, started swimming again when she hasn't been able to swim at all for the last 2 1/2 years, and stated that she hasn't felt this good in years.
"This is the longest I've ever tried anything and I'm succeeding. The challenge gave me hope," she said.
Once Patty started noticing all of the positive changes she was making in her own life, she decided to pay it forward and tell three of her friends about her success, and they decided to try it.
Katrina agreed to try the 28 Day Challenge to switch to all organic food. Upon switching, she said she started feeling lighter, so she then began to exercise more, and started taking the stairs instead of the elevator. She said she felt as if she cleaned her body out by making the switch, and this ex-athlete got her drive back. Her new challenge for the upcoming year is to want to be fit enough to be able to travel to New Zealand in 2013, and to be in such good shape to do all of their outdoor activities. So far, Katrina has lost a total of 35 pounds by following her challenge.
Sandra heard from Dr. Oz that it is good for your body if you drink hot lemon water every day, so for her challenge she chose to drink a cup of hot lemon water each day. She does this first thing each morning and says she feels better, and that her health has improved and she now has better balance, can touch her toes, and is more active each day. Sandra has lost a total of 20 pounds by just making a few changes in her life.
Marsha chose a different challenge from the rest of the group last year. She decided that she wanted to work on her business every day for at least 15 minutes. This year, her goal is to walk at least a mile every day and to continue the challenge. By being a part of this group Marsha says she feels more motivated because she has positive support and is thankful that Patty shared the article with her so that she could join in the challenge.
These four women gave the challenge a try and lasted well beyond the 28 days, one year to be exact ... and counting.
"It is like a snowball effect," they said. "You start doing one challenge and then you have more energy and drive to make it lead into other changes, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. We all took baby steps, but a year later we keep adding small changes here and there, and we all notice a huge difference."
Patty, Katrina, Sandra and Marsha are proof that anyone can try the 28-Day Challenge and succeed, whether you want to improve your health, finish projects you started but have yet to finish, quit smoking, quit drinking, go back to school, church or even spend more time with your family - no matter what changes you want to make in your life, the challenge can help you achieve your goals. This is not a diet but, better yet, a mindset that you can teach yourself to focus on one thing in your life that you would like to improve on for 28 days straight. After the 28 days, you will realize that you can continue your challenge for another 28 days, or perhaps start a new challenge.
The 28-Day Challenge was written to challenge the members of our community to break a bad habit, or to develop a positive new one. Since last year had 28 days in February, the challenge was perfect to try for the whole month of February. This year, February has 29 days so consider the extra day to be a bonus day for your challenge!
Good luck with all of your personal goals this year, and if you have any success stories from the 28-Day Challenge, please feel free to share them by emailing myaskmikey@yahoo.com.
A special thanks to Patty, Katrina, Sandra and Marsha for coming forward with their success stories. Each of you is a positive inspiration to our community!
January 31, 2012
On Feb. 1, 2011 four women decided to try the 28 Day Challenge (see January 2011 Ask Mikey's column, "A 28-Day Challenge that could change your life and the lives of those around you") and their lives have changed ever since.
It all started with one woman named Patty.
Patty read the article and thought that she would give the challenge a try because there were a few changes she wanted to make in her own life. So she decided her challenge would be to give up all sugar and to exercise more.
"The first day of my challenge was the hardest because anyone that knows me knows how much I love sugar and sweets," Patty said.
With giving up all sugar, she also added giving up all desserts in general. One year later, Patty has lost a total of 22 1/2 pounds, started swimming again when she hasn't been able to swim at all for the last 2 1/2 years, and stated that she hasn't felt this good in years.
"This is the longest I've ever tried anything and I'm succeeding. The challenge gave me hope," she said.
Once Patty started noticing all of the positive changes she was making in her own life, she decided to pay it forward and tell three of her friends about her success, and they decided to try it.
Katrina agreed to try the 28 Day Challenge to switch to all organic food. Upon switching, she said she started feeling lighter, so she then began to exercise more, and started taking the stairs instead of the elevator. She said she felt as if she cleaned her body out by making the switch, and this ex-athlete got her drive back. Her new challenge for the upcoming year is to want to be fit enough to be able to travel to New Zealand in 2013, and to be in such good shape to do all of their outdoor activities. So far, Katrina has lost a total of 35 pounds by following her challenge.
Sandra heard from Dr. Oz that it is good for your body if you drink hot lemon water every day, so for her challenge she chose to drink a cup of hot lemon water each day. She does this first thing each morning and says she feels better, and that her health has improved and she now has better balance, can touch her toes, and is more active each day. Sandra has lost a total of 20 pounds by just making a few changes in her life.
Marsha chose a different challenge from the rest of the group last year. She decided that she wanted to work on her business every day for at least 15 minutes. This year, her goal is to walk at least a mile every day and to continue the challenge. By being a part of this group Marsha says she feels more motivated because she has positive support and is thankful that Patty shared the article with her so that she could join in the challenge.
These four women gave the challenge a try and lasted well beyond the 28 days, one year to be exact ... and counting.
"It is like a snowball effect," they said. "You start doing one challenge and then you have more energy and drive to make it lead into other changes, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. We all took baby steps, but a year later we keep adding small changes here and there, and we all notice a huge difference."
Patty, Katrina, Sandra and Marsha are proof that anyone can try the 28-Day Challenge and succeed, whether you want to improve your health, finish projects you started but have yet to finish, quit smoking, quit drinking, go back to school, church or even spend more time with your family - no matter what changes you want to make in your life, the challenge can help you achieve your goals. This is not a diet but, better yet, a mindset that you can teach yourself to focus on one thing in your life that you would like to improve on for 28 days straight. After the 28 days, you will realize that you can continue your challenge for another 28 days, or perhaps start a new challenge.
The 28-Day Challenge was written to challenge the members of our community to break a bad habit, or to develop a positive new one. Since last year had 28 days in February, the challenge was perfect to try for the whole month of February. This year, February has 29 days so consider the extra day to be a bonus day for your challenge!
Good luck with all of your personal goals this year, and if you have any success stories from the 28-Day Challenge, please feel free to share them by emailing myaskmikey@yahoo.com.
A special thanks to Patty, Katrina, Sandra and Marsha for coming forward with their success stories. Each of you is a positive inspiration to our community!
Ask Mikey: How to celebrate Christmas on a budget
Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
December 11, 2011
Dear Mikey,
I have three kids, ages 6, 8 and 11, with my wonderful wife who I have been married to for 16 years. Our family really gets into the holiday spirit every Christmas with the tree we usually buy, decorations we put up around the house, presents we buy, cookies we bake together as a family, and even the Christmas cards we mail out.
However, this year, my wife's hours were reduced to only 20 a week and I was forced to take a 10 percent pay cut, as well as a reduction in my hours at work also. In other words, our finances are not going to allow us to do all of the things this year we have had a tradition of doing during Christmas for the past several years. Yet, I don't have the heart to tell my wife and kids that we may not be able to afford a tree this year, or mail out Christmas cards, or some of the other fun things we like to do as a family during this special time of year.
Any advice on what I could do or how I could tell them?
Scotty B.
Dear Scotty B.,
I am very sorry to hear about your financial setback this year. The economy has affected many households, and I fear that many will be struggling throughout the Christmas holiday this year because of it. However, that doesn't mean that you still can't give your family a great Christmas this year like you have the years before. It just means that you might have to make a few changes to how you celebrate this year.
For example, depending on the kind of tree you buy each year, perhaps this Christmas you can find a cheaper-priced tree, get a smaller one, or compare prices to see if a fake tree can be a cheaper way to go. If you do decide to go with the fake tree instead of a real one, think of it as getting more for your money because the fake tree will last for years so your money is going a little farther.
When sending out Christmas cards, ask yourself how you have been doing it over the years. Do you take a picture and then get multiple copies made to stick inside cards that you buy separately?
This year, maybe you can buy Christmas cards at the dollar store instead of where you normally go, and then for the picture part you can take a family picture and scan copies yourself to include for an insert. You still have to buy postage and the photo paper, but at least you can save money from having services make copies of the picture for you, as well as getting your cards done at a store that will most likely cost you more in the end.
If you are low on decorations, instead of going out to buy some more, make it a family activity to create new decorations on your own. You could even play Christmas music in the background, and by making a small trip to the dollar store, you can buy colored paper, stencils, glitter, string, ribbon and other creative supplies to make your own decorations together as a family. For example, you can buy paper lanterns and paint them with green or red paint and put them on your front or back porch and it will look like you have floating tree ornaments hanging outside. They are operated on batteries, and you can buy the batteries, lanterns, and even watercolor paints all at the dollar store. You can even buy Epsom salt (also from the dollar store) and sprinkle with glue on old wine bottles or jars and put them around your house to make them look like frosted decorations. You and your family can get creative with decorating ideas and by doing it yourselves, can save lots of money and create fun memories with your kids, while spending time with your family all at once!
As for the cookies, you can wait to buy the pre-made brands when they are on sale, or it might be cheaper to bake the cookies from scratch instead. The kids would probably have more fun baking them from scratch.
You can even get really creative with this idea and just make different holiday cookies like dipping a Ritz cracker in melted baker's chocolate and sprinkling crushed peppermint candy pieces on top of each chocolate-covered Ritz, then placing them in the fridge for a very delicious treat!
These are just a few suggestions, and no one is saying that these have to be permanent changes to how you and your family celebrate Christmas every year. Maybe this will be what can get you through this particular Christmas since your budget has slightly changed, and then by this time next year you will be back to your normal Christmas traditions on your normal budget.
I hope some of these ideas give you some peace of mind that you don't have to tell your wife and kids that you can't have a great Christmas this year because of a tighter budget. Instead, you can tell them you are just going to do things a little differently this year, and have your money go farther by doing lots of fun activities together as a family.
I hope this helps, and I hope that you and your family have a very Merry Christmas, and may the new year bring you all great happiness.
December 11, 2011
Dear Mikey,
I have three kids, ages 6, 8 and 11, with my wonderful wife who I have been married to for 16 years. Our family really gets into the holiday spirit every Christmas with the tree we usually buy, decorations we put up around the house, presents we buy, cookies we bake together as a family, and even the Christmas cards we mail out.
However, this year, my wife's hours were reduced to only 20 a week and I was forced to take a 10 percent pay cut, as well as a reduction in my hours at work also. In other words, our finances are not going to allow us to do all of the things this year we have had a tradition of doing during Christmas for the past several years. Yet, I don't have the heart to tell my wife and kids that we may not be able to afford a tree this year, or mail out Christmas cards, or some of the other fun things we like to do as a family during this special time of year.
Any advice on what I could do or how I could tell them?
Scotty B.
Dear Scotty B.,
I am very sorry to hear about your financial setback this year. The economy has affected many households, and I fear that many will be struggling throughout the Christmas holiday this year because of it. However, that doesn't mean that you still can't give your family a great Christmas this year like you have the years before. It just means that you might have to make a few changes to how you celebrate this year.
For example, depending on the kind of tree you buy each year, perhaps this Christmas you can find a cheaper-priced tree, get a smaller one, or compare prices to see if a fake tree can be a cheaper way to go. If you do decide to go with the fake tree instead of a real one, think of it as getting more for your money because the fake tree will last for years so your money is going a little farther.
When sending out Christmas cards, ask yourself how you have been doing it over the years. Do you take a picture and then get multiple copies made to stick inside cards that you buy separately?
This year, maybe you can buy Christmas cards at the dollar store instead of where you normally go, and then for the picture part you can take a family picture and scan copies yourself to include for an insert. You still have to buy postage and the photo paper, but at least you can save money from having services make copies of the picture for you, as well as getting your cards done at a store that will most likely cost you more in the end.
If you are low on decorations, instead of going out to buy some more, make it a family activity to create new decorations on your own. You could even play Christmas music in the background, and by making a small trip to the dollar store, you can buy colored paper, stencils, glitter, string, ribbon and other creative supplies to make your own decorations together as a family. For example, you can buy paper lanterns and paint them with green or red paint and put them on your front or back porch and it will look like you have floating tree ornaments hanging outside. They are operated on batteries, and you can buy the batteries, lanterns, and even watercolor paints all at the dollar store. You can even buy Epsom salt (also from the dollar store) and sprinkle with glue on old wine bottles or jars and put them around your house to make them look like frosted decorations. You and your family can get creative with decorating ideas and by doing it yourselves, can save lots of money and create fun memories with your kids, while spending time with your family all at once!
As for the cookies, you can wait to buy the pre-made brands when they are on sale, or it might be cheaper to bake the cookies from scratch instead. The kids would probably have more fun baking them from scratch.
You can even get really creative with this idea and just make different holiday cookies like dipping a Ritz cracker in melted baker's chocolate and sprinkling crushed peppermint candy pieces on top of each chocolate-covered Ritz, then placing them in the fridge for a very delicious treat!
These are just a few suggestions, and no one is saying that these have to be permanent changes to how you and your family celebrate Christmas every year. Maybe this will be what can get you through this particular Christmas since your budget has slightly changed, and then by this time next year you will be back to your normal Christmas traditions on your normal budget.
I hope some of these ideas give you some peace of mind that you don't have to tell your wife and kids that you can't have a great Christmas this year because of a tighter budget. Instead, you can tell them you are just going to do things a little differently this year, and have your money go farther by doing lots of fun activities together as a family.
I hope this helps, and I hope that you and your family have a very Merry Christmas, and may the new year bring you all great happiness.
Ask Mikey: Stay true to yourself when making important life decisions
Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
November 9, 2011
Dear Mikey,
I have been working at a job for about eight months now and I was unemployed before this job for about a year-and-a-half. I am glad that I have found work again but I have a few issues with my current job.
At about the third month I started noticing things about the job that I did not like. It was more than the typical working eight hours a day sort of complaint, but more along the lines of the people there are doing things that go against my moral standards. I don't like how they treat other people and I don't like how they treat me.
But, on the other hand, I know that I cannot quit unless I find a new job because of how the economy is. I do not enjoy the job anymore, and how they treat me and other people there is really starting to bother me now. Do I quit or wait until I find something else?
Please help!
-J.J.S.
Dear J.J.S.,
I can understand your frustration because in one sense you are trying to stick to your moral standards, but at the same time the job seems to be something that you need financially right now (or else you probably would have already left). However, you should never, ever work somewhere that goes against your own moral standards. No job should ever change you as a person, or even your beliefs, unless it is a positive change. If this job is causing this much inner turmoil then it does not sound like the right job for you. Although the decision in the end is truly yours, you are the one that has to live with your own decisions at the end of the day.
I can offer you a few suggestions. You can try to wait until you find another job by applying and networking, and if you get a new job then you can put in your two weeks notice. This way you are ending on a good note with them, can still put them down as references in the future, and you are not losing any income.
Another suggestion is communicating with them. Do you think that if you talked to them about the situation that it would make the situation better or worse? Be careful with this one because you don't want to make it worse to where they treat you worse than they did before, and you also don't want to get terminated at the same time for bringing this up.
All in all, if this job and the people that work there are going against everything you stand for then I would suggest getting out of there. Perhaps you can get a couple part-time jobs, or night jobs at restaurants, or even clean houses or house sit in the meantime in order to make ends meet until you can find a more stable form of employment again. At least that can buy you some time just in case you can't take it anymore and decide you just have to get out of there ASAP for your own mental sanity.
Always remember that no job is ever worth going against your own personal morals or should make you feel uncomfortable by doing something that is asked of you. A work environment should be a respectful environment, and if your employer is not willing to fix the problems or issues you have voiced to them then it may be time to just move on. Life is too short to be working somewhere that makes you miserable. No amount of money will ever be worth sacrificing your own personal moral standards, as well as risking your health from all of the stress that it may be causing.
Whatever you decide, make sure you have your friends and family there for you to give you some positive support. Best bet is to go with your instinct and stay true to yourself.
Good luck with your decision and know that things will get better soon.
November 9, 2011
Dear Mikey,
I have been working at a job for about eight months now and I was unemployed before this job for about a year-and-a-half. I am glad that I have found work again but I have a few issues with my current job.
At about the third month I started noticing things about the job that I did not like. It was more than the typical working eight hours a day sort of complaint, but more along the lines of the people there are doing things that go against my moral standards. I don't like how they treat other people and I don't like how they treat me.
But, on the other hand, I know that I cannot quit unless I find a new job because of how the economy is. I do not enjoy the job anymore, and how they treat me and other people there is really starting to bother me now. Do I quit or wait until I find something else?
Please help!
-J.J.S.
Dear J.J.S.,
I can understand your frustration because in one sense you are trying to stick to your moral standards, but at the same time the job seems to be something that you need financially right now (or else you probably would have already left). However, you should never, ever work somewhere that goes against your own moral standards. No job should ever change you as a person, or even your beliefs, unless it is a positive change. If this job is causing this much inner turmoil then it does not sound like the right job for you. Although the decision in the end is truly yours, you are the one that has to live with your own decisions at the end of the day.
I can offer you a few suggestions. You can try to wait until you find another job by applying and networking, and if you get a new job then you can put in your two weeks notice. This way you are ending on a good note with them, can still put them down as references in the future, and you are not losing any income.
Another suggestion is communicating with them. Do you think that if you talked to them about the situation that it would make the situation better or worse? Be careful with this one because you don't want to make it worse to where they treat you worse than they did before, and you also don't want to get terminated at the same time for bringing this up.
All in all, if this job and the people that work there are going against everything you stand for then I would suggest getting out of there. Perhaps you can get a couple part-time jobs, or night jobs at restaurants, or even clean houses or house sit in the meantime in order to make ends meet until you can find a more stable form of employment again. At least that can buy you some time just in case you can't take it anymore and decide you just have to get out of there ASAP for your own mental sanity.
Always remember that no job is ever worth going against your own personal morals or should make you feel uncomfortable by doing something that is asked of you. A work environment should be a respectful environment, and if your employer is not willing to fix the problems or issues you have voiced to them then it may be time to just move on. Life is too short to be working somewhere that makes you miserable. No amount of money will ever be worth sacrificing your own personal moral standards, as well as risking your health from all of the stress that it may be causing.
Whatever you decide, make sure you have your friends and family there for you to give you some positive support. Best bet is to go with your instinct and stay true to yourself.
Good luck with your decision and know that things will get better soon.
Mikey
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