Ask Mikey: It's never too late to apologize

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper

June 21, 2012

Dear Mikey,

I am finding myself feeling awfully guilty for how I have treated my father in the past. Growing up, we both had our differences and well, let’s just say we didn’t exactly see eye to eye. Things were said, there were a lot of hurt feelings flying around back and forth, which has led to a lot of regret on my part that I know of for sure. My younger sister and my mother have always stayed out of our disagreements because they knew the drill between my father and I.

I am well into my 30s now and my father is approaching his mid-60s. We have the occasional family and holiday dinner gatherings now, and my father and I can hold a conversation just fine. However, at least in the back of my mind, I am feeling a lot of overwhelming guilt lately because of what has happened between us over the years. It is almost like we passed our bickering stage and we get along great now, but at the same time there was never any closure from what he and I went through. No I’m sorry’s were ever exchanged or explanations. I just can’t move forward because it still bothers me and I feel really bad for all of the terrible things I said over the years and did.

Is it too late to apologize?

—Feeling Guilty in the Foothills

Dear Feeling Guilty in the Foothills,

It is NEVER too late to apologize for anything that we may have said or done wrong in our past. Yet, what we all forget is that apologies are not just for us to relieve our guilty consciences or to “man up” and take responsibility for any wrong actions we may have taken throughout the years, but it is also a gift you can give for the other person you may have wronged. An apology can help heal the other person’s pain as well as your own. To forgive is one of life’s greatest gifts we can give to one another, but so is apologizing.

I am glad to hear that things seem to be fine with you and your father now as you both have grown older. I understand that you are feeling guilty because you have never apologized to your father. On the other hand though, have you ever put yourself in your father’s shoes? Perhaps he is feeling just as guilty as you are right now and is asking himself the same question, as to whether or not it is too late to apologize to you.

You are right that you both never received any closure from all of the fighting or arguing you did over the years, especially if you guys have never sat down to talk about it or to conventionally apologize to each other. And, if you yourself have children of your own now, chances are you have experienced with your own children the battles of parenting that come about every so often. Sometimes when you are trying to be a good parent, you may not always be popular with your child, and sometimes your child won’t see eye to eye with your decisions because they may not understand the lesson you are trying to teach them. Be that as it may, that doesn’t mean that your child won’t understand the lesson you were trying to teach them one day, years down the road. Perhaps some of your arguments with your father were in relation to this type of scenario, and perhaps they were about something entirely different. Either way, what’s said and done is said and done. You can’t take back any of it and you have done nothing about it to this point, so that’s not making you feel any better either, which means that what you are doing is not quite working for you. Therefore, is it too late to apologize? NEVER.

It is NEVER too late to apologize to anyone about anything. The apology will mean so much to your father after all of these years, will relieve you of your guilt, and will probably strengthen your relationship with your father from here on out.

The only way it will ever be too late to apologize is if you never do it, for our loved ones won’t always be here.

Ask Mikey: Just let the kids be kids and have fun

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper

June 7, 2012

Dear Mikey,

My son has been playing sports since he was a little boy and now that he is getting older, we have been signing him up for club sports teams as well as school teams. He loves to play sports and is quite the athlete; however, lately we have been noticing a few things that have been bothering his father and I about what happens while he is involved on these teams.

A lot of the parents seem to be more competitive than the kids that are playing. We have always taught our son to show good sportsmanship no matter what the outcome of the game is. For example, when the game is over we encourage our son to shake hands and say “good job” to the other players on the other team. We also taught our son that if someone gets hurt, no matter what team they are on, that he should help the hurt player up, and so on.

At the last game we attended (on a new team we just signed him up on), another player on the other team was hurt and so my son tried to help him up just like we taught him. One of the parents on my son’s team shouted that he was wasting game time by walking over and helping the other boy up. My husband and I could not believe our ears. During the same game, the boys were showing respect for each other and good sportsmanship by shaking hands with one another after the game ended with the opposing team. Yet, a different parent started yelling from the bleachers that the game was fixed and that the coaches didn’t do a good job, all for everyone else to hear.

What’s disappointing is the kids were having such a great time just playing and the parents were actually the ones ruining the game by complaining and showing examples of bad sportsmanship. The kids had better sportsmanship than the parents. By the parents shouting out disrespectful comments to where all of the children could hear, in my opinion, was giving all of the players a bad example of how they should act at a game.

Do these parents not realize the example they are setting? Whatever happened to just letting kids be kids and to have fun and just play and enjoy the game?

-Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,

You are correct. Kids should just be able to have fun on these club sports teams while the parents sit in the stands cheering their children on without any displays of bad sportsmanship. By showing bad sportsmanship, the parents are setting a bad example not only for their own child, but for the other children playing.

That is outstanding that you and your husband teach your son about good sportsmanship because you are building and setting up a foundation for him to carry with him for every single team he is ever on for the rest of his life. Yet, good sportsmanship doesn’t just stay on the field or on the court, it is a life-skill he can take with him outside of sports. For example, it is a skill he can use in the classroom by encouraging other students when they get a right answer or good grade on a science project, or even in the workplace when he gets older by congratulating a fellow co-worker on a promotion. So the fact that your son is attaining this skill at a young age is very impressive. It also shows leadership among the other children who may not have been taught the importance of good sportsmanship and they can follow your son’s lead.

Parents need to realize that they are at the game to show support for their child and the team. They need to remember that kids look up to adults and mirror their behavior. So if a child is playing on a baseball team and some other child’s parent starts yelling negative words from the stands, that parent needs to realize that they are influencing every single child on the field at that very moment, and that is not setting a good example.

Club sports teams are provided for children to improve their physical skills, while also learning about teamwork and staying healthy. It is not a second chance for parents to relive their lost childhood dreams of becoming a famous baseball or basketball player through their child. Children are innocent and do not deserve that type of punishment. It is not fair to them. The teams are about the children so parents need to let their competitive side go and let the kids have a good time while they learn a lot about the specific sport they are playing. The bottom line: let kids be kids and just have fun.

Thanks for teaching your son about the value of good sportsmanship. Hopefully, the other parents will lead by your example.

Ask Mikey: Keep moving forward and things will work out

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper

April 26, 2012 

Dear Mikey,

A few years ago, I was on top of the world. I had a great job, a great relationship, a great home, and a great group of friends. Life could not get any better and I was extremely happy. Then right when the down economy hit, I accidentally made a mistake at my job. A mistake that ended up costing me my job, my relationship, my friends and, eventually, I lost my home.

I have had to pay for my mistake each and every single second of every single day ever since, going on three years now. Whenever I try to apply for a new job, it gets thrown back in my face again, and whenever I run into my old friends, it somehow gets brought up once again. I have been through a lot over the last three years and I have faced it mostly by myself. However, over the last three years I have made a lot of positive changes in my life, such as I have returned to my church, returned to school to better my job skills, and have learned to be more grateful for all of the things and people I am still blessed to have in my life.

Yet, while I am trying to move on the past keeps holding me back. How am I supposed to move on when jobs and people won’t give me a chance to because my past is always brought back up? How am I supposed to defeat the problems I caused in my past that are still affecting me today?

Adam L.

Dear Adam,

I am sorry to hear that you have been dealing with some hardships over the past few years. However, at the same time, I commend you for your courage to take a bad situation and turn it into a positive one by changing your life around. That is not an easy task so I admire the changes you have made.

It seems like you are trying to move on with your life but there are factors and even some people in your life that are holding you back by constantly throwing your past back in your face. So I can imagine your frustration.

I have a suggestion. Have you ever tried talking to your friends? Have you ever told them how it makes you feel when they are constantly bringing up what happened three years ago? If they are true friends, and you tell them that it just adds more negativity to your current situation when they bring the past up, they should be understanding, apologize, and should not bring it up anymore. However, a great way to determine whether or not they are true friends is to put them to the test. If you ask them to stop bringing up the past and they continue to do so, then they are obviously not true friends and you should cut them out of your life immediately.

The only way for you to move on with your life is to surround yourself with only positive and understanding people. Right now you need positive support, and anything negative will just hinder your situation and your self-esteem even more.

As for the job situation, if something that you did at your previous job landed on your record as to where it may show up on a background check then that could be something negative that may be hard to avoid. The majority of jobs these days require background checks, and so each time you apply for new employment you should already have the mindset that it will be brought up. At that point all you can do is be very honest with what happened at your previous job and realize that the place you are applying to can either look past what happened and give you a second chance, or they can hold it against you. However, if they hold it against you, just cross that job off of your list and move on. Dwelling on negative things such as getting rejected by a job you applied to will just make your situation even worse. You have to keep fighting this battle, keep moving forward and try to stay as positive as you possibly can. Persistence is key in this type of situation and just know that soon you will get hired; you just need to find the right fit for an employer to hire you. If they ask about your situation just be honest and really sell yourself and what you have to offer.

I think that the fact that you have grown as a person in a positive way after you have been through all of these hardships over the past few years and have made all of the changes you have already made is very inspiring. You never gave up and you still haven’t to this day. You should be very proud of yourself.

Just hang in there and only surround yourself around positive people. Allowing anything negative or anything that keeps reminding you of your past will only hold you back from your future. We all deserve second chances, but we have to first be the ones that actually allow ourselves to have that second chance. You don’t even realize how strong of a person you are already. Tomorrow is a new day. Keep moving forward and everything will work out. I promise you.

Ask Mikey: Where is the love for our community?

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper

March 1, 2012 

Dear Mikey,

I have lived in Ahwatukee my whole life, and one advantage that I have been blessed to have is great trails around the mountains that surround the Ahwatukee area.

I have been hiking since I was a little kid and really enjoy it. However, lately I am noticing something that is really disappointing me. When I have been going on hikes (and I go once a day), over the past few months, there is suddenly a ton of trash everywhere on the trails. People are leaving their water bottles, Power Bar wrappers, protein shake containers as well as beer bottles all along the trails to where it is starting to ruin my enjoyment of hikes. I used to be able to just hike and enjoy the beauty of the trails and now I am finding myself bringing an extra bag with me to collect all of the trash that I find. The sad part is I actually fill a plastic bag all the way full with all of the trash that I find.

Do people not realize that they are ruining one of Arizona’s natural wonders of hiking, let alone Ahwatukee’s? 

— Chris G.

Dear Chris,

That is disappointing that people are not picking up their trash along the trails. Aside from it being disappointing, it could also be dangerous. For example, if someone left a glass bottle near a trail and the wind blew it over to where it broke, a dog hiking with its owner could get glass caught in their paws, or a child could somehow come across the glass and cut themselves.

Ahwatukee does have beautiful trails like you mentioned, but the only way we are all going to continue to have these beautiful trails is if we all do our part. For example, if someone brings a water bottle with them while hiking on a trail, they should be responsible enough to bring the water bottle back down the trail and throw it in a garbage/recycle bin. The same should go for wrappers and other trash items. It is not fair that other people have to pick up trash left behind by others just because they were lazy and did not feel like throwing away their trash.

We all live here, so therefore we all have to hold ourselves accountable and be responsible. If you don’t think you can carry an empty wrapper down the mountain or hold on to your empty water bottle while hiking, then you should not bring anything like that on the mountain with you. One can easily just bring a water backpack with them so they can stay hydrated that way. And if they do have food wrappers, they can just zip them up in their bag and throw their trash away later.

You are right, Chris. By having trash on the trails it ruins everyone’s enjoyment of hiking. Let’s all come together as a community and pick up after ourselves and our animals, and not trash our mountains. This way we can all enjoy hiking!

Dear Mikey,

My son attends a school here in Ahwatukee and the other day he came home with dog waste on his shoe. When I asked how he stepped in dog waste, he told me that he stepped on it while playing soccer at lunch on the field at recess. I couldn’t believe it when he told me, but I have another friend whose daughter goes to a different school and she said she walked out to the recess field to pick up her daughter early one day and said she spotted a pile of dog waste where the kids were playing as well.

What are people thinking? 

— Sarah

Dear Sarah,

What are people thinking is right. There are signs posted at various school sites that specifically say to pick up your dog’s waste. So, the fact that people are not picking up their dog’s waste, despite the signs being posted, is just showing that they are not being responsible.

What’s disappointing is the fact that they are not even thinking about what their actions will consequent in. For example, here you are as a mother on the other side of all of this. Because someone decided to go on school property after hours and let their dog go to the bathroom and not clean it up, now your son who was just innocently playing soccer at recess like every child has a right to, accidentally steps in it and then has to carry it around with him for the duration of school, only to bring it home for you to clean up. I can totally understand your frustration.

We as the community need to understand what the consequences of our actions will be before we make decisions. If we don’t think about the consequences then how can we make responsible decisions? That is just it, we can’t.

If various people at various Ahwatukee schools are complaining about dog waste issues, then obviously this is becoming a problem. If you are a dog owner please bring a bag to pick up after your dog. By leaving it on school property, you are just waiting to cause something bad to happen. And I am not just talking about kids coming home to their parents with dirty shoes. But more along the lines of what if a child slips in it and touches it, then eats lunch afterwards without washing their hands? How would you feel if someone didn’t pick up their dog waste and YOUR child was the one who stepped in it, slipped in it, or even touched it? Chances are you would probably not be a happy parent.

Please pick up after your pets and do the responsible thing, as well as do not leave any trash where kids play. School custodians have enough on their plate as it is and it is not their responsibility to go out and check for something that should not even be there in the first place.

Ask Mikey: Four Ahwatukee women took my 28-day challenge and succeeded

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
January 31, 2012

On Feb. 1, 2011 four women decided to try the 28 Day Challenge (see January 2011 Ask Mikey's column, "A 28-Day Challenge that could change your life and the lives of those around you") and their lives have changed ever since.

It all started with one woman named Patty.

Patty read the article and thought that she would give the challenge a try because there were a few changes she wanted to make in her own life. So she decided her challenge would be to give up all sugar and to exercise more.

"The first day of my challenge was the hardest because anyone that knows me knows how much I love sugar and sweets," Patty said.

With giving up all sugar, she also added giving up all desserts in general. One year later, Patty has lost a total of 22 1/2 pounds, started swimming again when she hasn't been able to swim at all for the last 2 1/2 years, and stated that she hasn't felt this good in years.

"This is the longest I've ever tried anything and I'm succeeding. The challenge gave me hope," she said.

Once Patty started noticing all of the positive changes she was making in her own life, she decided to pay it forward and tell three of her friends about her success, and they decided to try it.

Katrina agreed to try the 28 Day Challenge to switch to all organic food. Upon switching, she said she started feeling lighter, so she then began to exercise more, and started taking the stairs instead of the elevator. She said she felt as if she cleaned her body out by making the switch, and this ex-athlete got her drive back. Her new challenge for the upcoming year is to want to be fit enough to be able to travel to New Zealand in 2013, and to be in such good shape to do all of their outdoor activities. So far, Katrina has lost a total of 35 pounds by following her challenge.

Sandra heard from Dr. Oz that it is good for your body if you drink hot lemon water every day, so for her challenge she chose to drink a cup of hot lemon water each day. She does this first thing each morning and says she feels better, and that her health has improved and she now has better balance, can touch her toes, and is more active each day. Sandra has lost a total of 20 pounds by just making a few changes in her life.

Marsha chose a different challenge from the rest of the group last year. She decided that she wanted to work on her business every day for at least 15 minutes. This year, her goal is to walk at least a mile every day and to continue the challenge. By being a part of this group Marsha says she feels more motivated because she has positive support and is thankful that Patty shared the article with her so that she could join in the challenge.

These four women gave the challenge a try and lasted well beyond the 28 days, one year to be exact ... and counting.

"It is like a snowball effect," they said. "You start doing one challenge and then you have more energy and drive to make it lead into other changes, such as taking the stairs instead of the elevator. We all took baby steps, but a year later we keep adding small changes here and there, and we all notice a huge difference."

Patty, Katrina, Sandra and Marsha are proof that anyone can try the 28-Day Challenge and succeed, whether you want to improve your health, finish projects you started but have yet to finish, quit smoking, quit drinking, go back to school, church or even spend more time with your family - no matter what changes you want to make in your life, the challenge can help you achieve your goals. This is not a diet but, better yet, a mindset that you can teach yourself to focus on one thing in your life that you would like to improve on for 28 days straight. After the 28 days, you will realize that you can continue your challenge for another 28 days, or perhaps start a new challenge.

The 28-Day Challenge was written to challenge the members of our community to break a bad habit, or to develop a positive new one. Since last year had 28 days in February, the challenge was perfect to try for the whole month of February. This year, February has 29 days so consider the extra day to be a bonus day for your challenge!

Good luck with all of your personal goals this year, and if you have any success stories from the 28-Day Challenge, please feel free to share them by emailing myaskmikey@yahoo.com.

A special thanks to Patty, Katrina, Sandra and Marsha for coming forward with their success stories. Each of you is a positive inspiration to our community!

Ask Mikey: How to celebrate Christmas on a budget

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
December 11, 2011

Dear Mikey,

I have three kids, ages 6, 8 and 11, with my wonderful wife who I have been married to for 16 years. Our family really gets into the holiday spirit every Christmas with the tree we usually buy, decorations we put up around the house, presents we buy, cookies we bake together as a family, and even the Christmas cards we mail out.

However, this year, my wife's hours were reduced to only 20 a week and I was forced to take a 10 percent pay cut, as well as a reduction in my hours at work also. In other words, our finances are not going to allow us to do all of the things this year we have had a tradition of doing during Christmas for the past several years. Yet, I don't have the heart to tell my wife and kids that we may not be able to afford a tree this year, or mail out Christmas cards, or some of the other fun things we like to do as a family during this special time of year.

Any advice on what I could do or how I could tell them?

Scotty B.

Dear Scotty B.,

I am very sorry to hear about your financial setback this year. The economy has affected many households, and I fear that many will be struggling throughout the Christmas holiday this year because of it. However, that doesn't mean that you still can't give your family a great Christmas this year like you have the years before. It just means that you might have to make a few changes to how you celebrate this year.

For example, depending on the kind of tree you buy each year, perhaps this Christmas you can find a cheaper-priced tree, get a smaller one, or compare prices to see if a fake tree can be a cheaper way to go. If you do decide to go with the fake tree instead of a real one, think of it as getting more for your money because the fake tree will last for years so your money is going a little farther.

When sending out Christmas cards, ask yourself how you have been doing it over the years. Do you take a picture and then get multiple copies made to stick inside cards that you buy separately?

This year, maybe you can buy Christmas cards at the dollar store instead of where you normally go, and then for the picture part you can take a family picture and scan copies yourself to include for an insert. You still have to buy postage and the photo paper, but at least you can save money from having services make copies of the picture for you, as well as getting your cards done at a store that will most likely cost you more in the end.

If you are low on decorations, instead of going out to buy some more, make it a family activity to create new decorations on your own. You could even play Christmas music in the background, and by making a small trip to the dollar store, you can buy colored paper, stencils, glitter, string, ribbon and other creative supplies to make your own decorations together as a family. For example, you can buy paper lanterns and paint them with green or red paint and put them on your front or back porch and it will look like you have floating tree ornaments hanging outside. They are operated on batteries, and you can buy the batteries, lanterns, and even watercolor paints all at the dollar store. You can even buy Epsom salt (also from the dollar store) and sprinkle with glue on old wine bottles or jars and put them around your house to make them look like frosted decorations. You and your family can get creative with decorating ideas and by doing it yourselves, can save lots of money and create fun memories with your kids, while spending time with your family all at once!

As for the cookies, you can wait to buy the pre-made brands when they are on sale, or it might be cheaper to bake the cookies from scratch instead. The kids would probably have more fun baking them from scratch.

You can even get really creative with this idea and just make different holiday cookies like dipping a Ritz cracker in melted baker's chocolate and sprinkling crushed peppermint candy pieces on top of each chocolate-covered Ritz, then placing them in the fridge for a very delicious treat!

These are just a few suggestions, and no one is saying that these have to be permanent changes to how you and your family celebrate Christmas every year. Maybe this will be what can get you through this particular Christmas since your budget has slightly changed, and then by this time next year you will be back to your normal Christmas traditions on your normal budget.

I hope some of these ideas give you some peace of mind that you don't have to tell your wife and kids that you can't have a great Christmas this year because of a tighter budget. Instead, you can tell them you are just going to do things a little differently this year, and have your money go farther by doing lots of fun activities together as a family.

I hope this helps, and I hope that you and your family have a very Merry Christmas, and may the new year bring you all great happiness.

Ask Mikey: Stay true to yourself when making important life decisions

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
November 9, 2011

Dear Mikey,

I have been working at a job for about eight months now and I was unemployed before this job for about a year-and-a-half. I am glad that I have found work again but I have a few issues with my current job.

At about the third month I started noticing things about the job that I did not like. It was more than the typical working eight hours a day sort of complaint, but more along the lines of the people there are doing things that go against my moral standards. I don't like how they treat other people and I don't like how they treat me.

But, on the other hand, I know that I cannot quit unless I find a new job because of how the economy is. I do not enjoy the job anymore, and how they treat me and other people there is really starting to bother me now. Do I quit or wait until I find something else?

Please help!

-J.J.S.

Dear J.J.S.,

I can understand your frustration because in one sense you are trying to stick to your moral standards, but at the same time the job seems to be something that you need financially right now (or else you probably would have already left). However, you should never, ever work somewhere that goes against your own moral standards. No job should ever change you as a person, or even your beliefs, unless it is a positive change. If this job is causing this much inner turmoil then it does not sound like the right job for you. Although the decision in the end is truly yours, you are the one that has to live with your own decisions at the end of the day.

I can offer you a few suggestions. You can try to wait until you find another job by applying and networking, and if you get a new job then you can put in your two weeks notice. This way you are ending on a good note with them, can still put them down as references in the future, and you are not losing any income.

Another suggestion is communicating with them. Do you think that if you talked to them about the situation that it would make the situation better or worse? Be careful with this one because you don't want to make it worse to where they treat you worse than they did before, and you also don't want to get terminated at the same time for bringing this up.

All in all, if this job and the people that work there are going against everything you stand for then I would suggest getting out of there. Perhaps you can get a couple part-time jobs, or night jobs at restaurants, or even clean houses or house sit in the meantime in order to make ends meet until you can find a more stable form of employment again. At least that can buy you some time just in case you can't take it anymore and decide you just have to get out of there ASAP for your own mental sanity.

Always remember that no job is ever worth going against your own personal morals or should make you feel uncomfortable by doing something that is asked of you. A work environment should be a respectful environment, and if your employer is not willing to fix the problems or issues you have voiced to them then it may be time to just move on. Life is too short to be working somewhere that makes you miserable. No amount of money will ever be worth sacrificing your own personal moral standards, as well as risking your health from all of the stress that it may be causing.

Whatever you decide, make sure you have your friends and family there for you to give you some positive support. Best bet is to go with your instinct and stay true to yourself.

Good luck with your decision and know that things will get better soon.

Mikey

Ask Mikey: Don't let this tough economy bring you down

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
September 28, 2011

Dear Mikey,

I lost my job eight months ago and I have a wife and a daughter to try and take care of. My wife and I have been married for three years now, but together for five total, and our daughter is just 4 months old.

Before I married my wife, I promised her with all of my heart that I would always take good care of her and our children. I wanted to give her that guarantee so she would never have to worry about finances as long as we were married.

With this economy, I feel like I have broken my promise to her. I have applied everywhere and although I have gotten a few interviews, it seems hopeless and like no one is going to hire me. I feel like I am not the same man who married her and she deserves to be taken care of.

I don't know what to do and I am afraid that I am going to lose her although she always tells me she is not going anywhere. I am very disappointed in myself. Any advice you can give me would be very helpful.

-G. Anonymous

Dear G. Anonymous,

You sound like you care about your family very much and that is very admirable. The fact that your wife is reassuring you that she is not going to go anywhere means that she is trying to give you that security.

I am sure she can tell that you have been down on yourself lately and she wants you to know that she is not going anywhere despite the situation you guys are in. She sounds like a very understanding person.

The economy has taken a toll on various households in our community. The key in trying to beat the economy stresses is to try and stay as positive as you possibly can, and to be persistent in your job searches and follow ups.

Use every interview as a resource, even if you don't get picked for the job, you can at least use the interview as practice for the next one. If you don't get the job, keep trying to apply to other places. In some cases, you may even be able to ask the person that interviewed you why they didn't choose you for the position.

It may not even have anything to do with you at all, but perhaps budget cuts are the reason why they didn't hire you, for example.

Network with every single person that you know. Your neighbor might have a friend that has a friend whose boss is looking for another assistant, etc.

The more you network, the more chances you have of getting your name out there and your foot in a door.

Don't let the economy bring you down. Remember that you are fighting to keep you, your daughter, and your wife afloat, so don't let the economy take that away from you. Take any job that you can get, even if the pay is not what you are looking for, hours, etc.

At least something is better than nothing. And when you find that job you were looking for to begin with then at least you were helping your family out in the meantime.

Aside from being persistent with your job search, you can still show your wife that you have kept your promise of taking care of her by telling her you love her, hugging her, listening to her, etc. There are plenty of things you guys can do as a family for cheap if you cannot afford to go out.

Don't let this economy bring you down. You have a wife and a daughter that obviously love you dearly and are not going anywhere. They are obviously not disappointed in you, so being disappointed in yourself is not going to solve anything.

Remember that it is not you, it is the economy. If it was just you, then why are thousands of other families struggling out there as well? You only live once, so don't let the economy make you feel disappointed in yourself, for this is time you are wasting on something negative. Time that you will never be able to get back.

Instead, fight back and beat the economy with persistence, positivity, networking and a little faith, and I guarantee you that things will get better for you sooner than you know it.

Ask Mikey: There is no such thing as a lost cause

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
August 22, 2011

There are three different types of people in the community right now; those that have been affected by the economy, those that have not been affected by the economy, or those that are living half and half.

For the portion that has been affected, chances are you have either been laid off, had a reduction of hours or salary, faced or went through with a bankruptcy, foreclosure, collections, or even repossession. You have probably felt the weight of the economy in the most stressful ways, had to sell items to make your mortgage or rent, or have even had to work second or third part time and full time jobs if you have been fortunate enough to find them just to try and make ends meet. You are struggling to do whatever you can to keep you and your family afloat just trying to make it through this rough patch, longing for the day when things will get better. Perhaps you have applied to practically every job in the state, unfortunately as well as your neighbor has, so you are getting rejection letters or the same old response of “Thank you for applying, however the position has been filled,” notices. The fact that you feel discouraged and stressed all the time and worry about the future on a daily basis is an understatement. You are not alone because several other people are in the same boat as you are in right now.

For the portion that have not been affected, you are very lucky and hopefully you have found the kindness in your heart to do whatever you may be able to do to help others that are struggling. Whether it is to help a friend get into your workplace so they too can have income like you, or have donated some food or money for those that need it right now. Any and all help for others is deeply needed right now and greatly appreciated by the community. Despite the recession, you are the lucky one who has not lost any hours, been laid off, lost your house, faced foreclosure, had to have your car repossessed, or had to file bankruptcy. You and your family are doing just fine as if the economy never turned bad and food is on the table every night. If this is you, you are very fortunate.

For the rest who have been affected half and half, you probably have the hardest hit out of all three types. This type is for those who have one spouse that has been affected and one who has not been affected as bad. One spouse may have been laid off but was able to find another job with average pay while the other spouse was laid off and has not been able to find work in several months. The reason why this one is the hardest is simply because the spouse that is still working is trying to keep everyone else in the household positive, work extra hours if possible, and to help lift the other’s spouse’s spirits up as they continue their job search. It is difficult for the family as a whole because not only did the family go from two incomes to suddenly one, but one spouse has to be the strength of the whole family to keep everyone positive, while the other spouse keeps getting rejected, and denied application after application. It can take a negative toll on everybody because one family member’s pain affects every single person in the household.

Times are hard for everyone right now. It’s either you are going through the stress of the economy firsthand, or you are at least watching someone else that you care about go through this difficult time. No matter which it is it’s going to take a powerful negative toll on either and all parties. If you are watching someone you care about go through this difficult time and they are struggling, although you may try to help them out with bills, etc. you still see them suffer, and then you feel helpless as if you want to do more but you can’t.

What’s worse, is if there is a situation out there where one spouse is just giving up on the other spouse because they cannot find employment in this tough economy, or their finances are falling apart so bad that they are putting it in between their marriage.

This is not a time to fall apart and let things like being jobless or be at a financial struggle tear a relationship, a marriage or even a friendship apart. We all need each other’s support right now more than ever. Don’t give up on each other just because there is a temporary struggle going on right now, because in the end we will be what get’s the other person out of this situation-not the success of the stock market going up, gas prices going down, or food prices going down. It is all of us supporting each other and being there for each other every step of the way. Don’t give up on your spouse, your neighbor, your friend, or your family member. You will regret it one day if you do, for they will always remember who was always there for them through thick and thin and who just gave up on them.

There is no such thing as a lost cause. Don’t give up on each other.

Ask Mikey: The truth about honesty

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
July 28, 2011

It is so much easier to tell the truth than it is to lie to someone. Every time you are asked about what may have happened you will always have the same story because that is how you remember how it happened because it actually, honestly happened that way. If you lie, you are constantly forcing yourself to have to make mental notes about what lie you told to whom, and you will always turn yourself in towards the end because you can't remember the original story you told, sort of like when you used to play the telephone game.

Yet, why is it that people think it is much easier and better to lie than to tell the truth?

When someone knows the truth, no matter if it hurts, at least they can depend on the fact that it's true. The truth shows that you value and have respect for other people around you and that you are treating others the way you wish to be treated - in an honest way.

Lying just hurts others around you and who you care about the most. You have to ask yourself about what the consequences will be when you lie to someone. Is it really worth it to hurt the person that you love the most? To have others disappointed in you who may have looked up to you? It's never worth hurting anyone over a lie you may have told, when you could have easily just told the truth up front. Lying also shows your true character, especially if you never confess your lie. Which one do you think is worse? Lying and confessing about it? Or lying and confessing once someone caught you and confronted you about it? How about not lying at all, and then you will never have to answer that one.

Surely, the truth can hurt at times, especially when it is about something that we didn't want to hear or even know, however, we can rest easy knowing that despite it may have hurt at least we know it's the truth. People who tell the truth also appreciate when other people tell them the truth as well.

There is no reason to ever lie to anyone at any time. Would you want someone lying to you? If not, then what is the point of lying to someone else? Be an example for others and tell the truth, not half of the time or 75 percent of the time, all of the time. It's easier, people will respect you more, and you will still be able to look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day. The truth about honesty is: To live your life in an honest way. You won't regret if you lived your life in pure honesty. Now, if you lived your life in dishonesty, you are surely to regret that and all those you hurt one day. Make the right choice and choose the honest way.

Ask Mikey: How fulfilling is your timeline?

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
June 22, 2011

We live our lives day to day as if our time is going to be infinite. At times we feel like we are never going to run out of time, yet how do we know when our time is really up? That's just it. We don't.

We all have a time clock on our lives that is unique to our own individual life. We go through experiences that maybe our neighbor has never been through and vice versa. With that being said, it also goes to show that we all go through life stages at different times than others such as graduating college, getting married, raising a family, moving to a new state and so on.

Have you ever noticed that when a person is laid to rest, their headstone has the date they were born, a dash, and a date that they passed away? A wise friend once told me that what matters is not how long that timeframe is between the two dates, but how well they lived their life during the "dash" that counts the most. What a great way to look at life. It doesn't matter how long a person lived but how much of an impact they made on others through the time they were alive. The dash represents how full we lived our lives.

Think of a timeline of historical events. You have the start date, then a timeline of events leading up to the end date. For each year in between, for the most part, there is a significant event that happened and a mini story to describe the event on the timeline. Now correlate that with your own life. Think of what your life timeline would look like. Would it have long gaps in between years where you may not have lived life to the fullest? Or would there be a significant event to timeline each of the years in your life?

Timelines representing our lives are not just about significant events like getting married, graduating college, etc., but also the little things that can mean just as much or even more as the big things. For example, maybe the year you met your spouse was the same year you went on a Mission to help the needy in another country. Or maybe the same year you graduated college was the same year you started a foundation that raised enough money to provide school supplies to parentless children.

Everyone has a timeline of life events that is unique, personal and special to them in their own individual way. No two life timelines are exactly the same out there. The question is, if you reflected back on your timeline of events in your life up to this point, what would yours look like? Would you have long gaps in between and just have the basic events or would you have lots in between with events such as helping others, making a difference, or even showing kindness to someone else?

Although you may think that the "small" events above are not really significant events to include on your life timeline, somewhere out there, to someone, somehow, they disagree with you. For they know what you did for them qualifies to be included on your timeline because of the impact you have left with them.

No event is ever too small to include on your life timeline if it involves helping other people. Those are the events that will make your life timeline more meaningful in the end, when you look back one day and reflect to see how well you lived during the "dash."

Ask Mikey: Take the time to be inspired

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
May 16, 2011

When was the last time you sat on your patio with a hot cup of tea and just watched the clouds move across the sky? Or curled up below a tree only to read an inspiring book that made you want to become a better person? When was the last time you came across a quote that you read from a newspaper, or your child's English paper, or even from an advertisement or movie that made you just stop and think about it for a moment?

Tiny moments or little "time-outs" like these are very relaxing and can remind us all of the truly wonderful things in life that are surrounding us even when we don't look up and see them in our busy day-to-day lives. It can remind us that we don't need significant life events to be the only outlet we have to be inspired but that we can find inspiration in the little things that are all around us.

We can get inspiration from a variety of sources; from nature, materialistic things, books, people we know and even people we don't know. For example, all of the men and women that serve in the armed forces inspire others with their bravery, sacrifice, loyalty, courage and honor. People who we read about in the local newspaper that did something truly inspiring in the community whether they are famous, well known, or someone we have never heard of before can inspire us.

Aside from the little things that can bring some inspiration to our lives, we can also be inspired by the people around us. Perhaps you know someone in your life that inspires you for their courage or bravery, or because they work hard and don't ever give up when the going gets tough. Maybe the way they live their life has inspired you to do better and be better in yours.

Surround yourself around whatever works for you that helps you to be inspired. Being inspired is a good thing, and we can never get too much of a little inspiration in our lives.

Ask Mikey: Who's keeping score in your life?

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
April 12, 2011

In the world of sports someone always has to keep score. At the end of the game someone always has to tally up how many assists the point guard made, how many strikeouts the pitcher threw, and how many fights a single hockey player got in. People have been keeping score for decades; it's just the "sport's lovers" way on how to do things.

Yesterday I was at the park and I saw a teen do a very admirable thing. She and her friend were walking around the park and she happened to pass by some trash that was on the ground. It was not hers and no one asked her to but she just happily picked up trash and threw it in the garbage. Just like that. No one asked her to, and no one was watching her to give her an award, she just went ahead and did it.

I am sure you are thinking big deal right? People pick up trash all the time. Don't they? Well it got me thinking, how many times has she done that? How much trash in the world has been picked up because of her? How many other people out there have been in my position that have witnessed her pick up trash to where it influenced them to be more like her and to follow in her footsteps and do the same thing?

What a ripple effect she has started and she doesn't even know what her impact was on others.

It reminds us that just because we think no one is watching us, that doesn't mean that no one is noticing what we are doing. That goes for all of the good things we are doing and all of the bad. Regardless, we should do good things like she did because we care about our planet and actually want to pick up the trash; not because we think there will be a reward waiting for us after we do it, or to get credit or recognition. For those are all of the wrong reasons as to why we should do good deeds.

Stop and reflect on your daily life for a minute. How many times do you do a good deed in a day? A week? How often have you given money or time to helping the homeless? When was the last time you picked up a piece of random trash? How often do you help kids or the elderly?

We have to be responsible for keeping a tally of our own daily actions for if we don't keep a tally on ourselves who else will?

Keeping score of our daily good deeds is just as important as keeping a tally of the points we scored in the championship game. In addition, it is also just as important to keep a tally of all the mistakes or bad deeds we may have done just like the errors in any game because, in the end, we have to hold ourselves accountable for our actions if we are ever going to try and improve.

If someone was keeping score of your life, what section would your tally marks most likely be in? What section would you want them to be in? I know if I was keeping score of that teen's life I would give her a tally for the trash, and another tally for the ripple effect she started.

Ask Mikey: Sometimes we have to adjust our focus

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
March 5, 2011

Everyday we are faced with obvious things that we put on our priority list. For example, going grocery shopping, going to work, doing laundry, a dentist appointment, going to the gym and so on. At the end of the day, we figure out that for the most part we did everything that was on our "To Do" list when we realize that we forgot about a few things, like calling our friend post interview to see how it went because the night before you talked with them and they were so nervous. What about attending your nephew's soccer game, where you promised that you would be standing on the sidelines cheering him on? Or even just saying "I love you" to your spouse before you both started your day that morning? Why do we forget the things that should be more important than those that we actually remember?

It is so easy to remember the things we feel like we have to do, such as the errands, appointments or the commitments that we feel like we cannot live without keeping. We remember them the most because they are the most obvious, the everyday ones, and that is what we focus our attention on day in and day out. However, by doing that, we have trained our minds to just follow our repetitive patterns and hardly introduce any new things to focus on.

When did we start focusing on the things that were the most obvious and convenient and forgetting about the more important things that affect the people that we love the most?

No one has the right to look at your life and tell you that the things you spend the most time on are just the obvious and unimportant ones, or even the right and significant ones that will matter the most in the end, except for you. You have to be the one that decides for yourself if doing your laundry at 5 p.m. was more important than cheering on your nephew on the sidelines for his soccer game. Or if your 7 p.m. date with The Bachelor was more important than calling your friend for support post job interview. Or even if your date with the gym had to be scheduled before you got to see your husband and tell him that you loved him this morning.

You have to see, feel in your heart, and just know what will matter the most in the end. Do you really think that your nephew will look back one day and say, "Well, my Aunt couldn't attend my soccer game that day, but man could she fold a mean load of clothes." Or will your husband really say, "Well, she didn't have time to say ‘I love you' to me because she had to go to the gym right away," or even "My friend never called me to comfort me post interview, but she was very knowledgeable about what was happening on The Bachelor."

What are you spending your time on? Things that matter the most in the end, or things that just temporarily matter? Think about it.

Ask Mikey: A 28-day challenge that could change your life and the lives of those around you

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
January 30, 2011

I am sure we can all agree that each and every one of us can make some changes in our lives to become a better person, a better student, parent, sibling, spouse and community member. Perhaps you have been wanting to break some habits you feel you have that may be preventing you from becoming your best self, but you don't know where to start to kick the habit. So you have put off improving yourself for the better for weeks, maybe months, perhaps you have been trying to change for years. Well, if you are sick of talking the talk, then join the community in a 28-day challenge to finally walk your talk.

They say that it takes 28 days to break a bad habit. Well I challenge you to take a 28-day challenge during the month of February. In other words, for the entire month of February you have to challenge yourself to kick a habit that you don't like about yourself. If you can't think of a habit you would like to kick, then you can still participate in the challenge by doing something for the community everyday for the month of February.

So, for example, if you are trying to lose weight for your New Year's resolution, but still find yourself reaching for the chip bag every afternoon, or parking as close as you possibly can to the grocery store, for the entire month of February your challenge will be to park far away from the grocery store to get more exercise, or to replace your daily chip bag with a daily piece of fruit. If you have a bad habit of not calling people back, then your challenge for the month is to call each and every person who calls you back in a timely matter. If you are a procrastinator student, always turning your homework in late, your challenge will be to turn every single paper in on time during the month of February.

If you are feeling pretty fortunate that you don't have any bad habits you would like to kick, then I challenge you to do at least one kind deed for somebody else in the community everyday for 28 days straight in February: You can pick up trash around your neighborhood, donate money to the homeless, open the door for a stranger, help a neighbor, help a handicapped person bring their groceries to their car, etc. If you need ideas for kind deeds, visit www.myaskmikey.com.

Who knows, maybe after the 28 days you will feel so good about all of the positive changes you have made in your life, and the lives around you, that you will want to continue beyond the 28 days.

Ask Mikey: It's all about perspective

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
January 9, 2011

Ah, 2011. Some see it as a fresh start, a chance to start over, and the year to make things happen. Whether your resolutions include weight loss, going back to school, joining a church, becoming a better person, being more involved in your community, or even to just not make the same mistakes you may have made in 2010, you are on a great path already.

The key to reaching your goals and keeping true to your resolutions is to stay positive. There are going to be times when you just don't feel like going to the gym throughout the year. Does that mean you should give up on your resolution? Absolutely not!

Instead of getting discouraged handle it this way: "I don't feel like going to the gym, but I wouldn't mind going out for a nice walk or riding my bike to the movie theater instead."

If your resolution was to return back to school this year, are you going to give up if the school of your choice is too expensive or you didn't get accepted? Of course not! There are plenty of other options out there for you such as cheaper schools, scholarships, grants, tuition reimbursements and more.

What about if you accidentally repeated a mistake you made in 2010 that you swore to yourself you would never make again? Whether it was in regards to finances, relationships or maybe even friendships? Are you just going to throw your resolutions out the window? No.

Instead, just keep teaching yourself that it was a mistake, that you are human, and that at least you are getting better at catching yourself early on. We all make mistakes so we can learn from them, and although the trick is to not repeat them year after year, eventually you will realize that you are learning and you won't make the same ones anymore. In fact, you will probably make different ones!

If we never made mistakes we would never make any progress or learn in our lives. The important thing is that you are catching yourself when you are making the mistake, and that you are learning from it, so in time you won't make that mistake anymore.

With all of these scenarios of course anyone can get discouraged if they haven't lost their 30-pound goal that they wanted to lose overnight. Or not get enrolled to the first school of their choice. Or if they couldn't help but make the same mistake they made the previous year.

Sometimes we are going to get disappointed because the things we wanted in the time frame we wanted may not always work out. But that doesn't mean that is the end of the line for us. That just means that there is something better for us that lies ahead. You may not lose 30 pounds overnight like you planned, but you can probably lose a few pounds a week and meet your goal weight in a matter of months. You may not get the first school of your choice, but maybe the third school that you got accepted to works out better with your work schedule or family life. You may make the same mistake again within the month of January this year, but maybe by March when you were about to do it again, you caught yourself this time beforehand and prevented it from happening again.

It is all about your perspective. Stay positive this year and don't get discouraged if you have a rocky start to your 2011 New Year's resolutions. Just know that deep down inside of you, you want to reach your goals bad enough, so you have the will power in you to do so. By staying positive and having a more optimistic perspective, you will be successful with all of your resolutions this year.

You are already changing your perspective if this column caught your eye and you are reading it.

Ask Mikey: Spend this Christmas with loved ones in your life

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
December 22, 2010 

At this time of year, we often find ourselves reflecting on our lives and the year's events along with our accomplishments and struggles.

But why do we reflect?

Perhaps it is so we can set some new goals for the upcoming year or even to make sure we don't repeat some mistakes. Whatever the reason may be, reflecting can be a great way to acknowledge where your life has been, where it is going, and where the areas are where you would like to make some changes or improvements.

But the holiday season also is about the present and spending time with loved ones. Christmas is just around the corner and it is a great time to appreciate the fact that we are blessed to be able to celebrate with our family, recognizing there are some who may not be as blessed this year.

Some family members may be overseas protecting our country and as a result may not be able to celebrate the Christmas season this year with their family. Others may have family members who are sick or in the hospital. Others may be separated by states, countries or job restrictions that won't allow them to spend time with their family this year.

If you are blessed to be able to spend Christmas with each and every one of your family members this year, cherish every moment of it. Spend every second making yummy holiday treats, singing carols together by the warm fire, wrapping presents for each other and, overall, creating wonderful memories. For memories are the greatest gift anyone can ever give or receive, and gifts such as memories are guaranteed to last forever.

Enjoy the holiday season this year with you and your family. Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year!

Ask Mikey: Don't ever let anyone change who you are

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
November 6, 2010

You are the only person that should have the power to change yourself. So why is it that we let others influence us? Why do we hang around people that try and change who we are? Are we afraid that if we don't let them influence us, that we are going to lose them as a friend or a part of our lives forever? You are asking all of the wrong questions. Instead, you should be asking yourself why you are trying to please someone or win over someone's friendship that is probably not looking out for your best interest in the first place.

In life we need to be responsible for the person that we are whether that is a good person or a bad person. Anyone has the power to improve themselves at any time in their life, but only if they make a choice to do so. If our lives are going down the wrong path, then we need to take responsibility and own up to the fact that it was the decisions that we made that led us up to this point in our lives. On the other hand, if our life is going down the right path then we need to acknowledge that we are responsible for that based on the good decisions we made.

If we ever let anyone influence how we live our lives, it should only be our higher power or only people that are positive influences in our life. It should be the type of person that will give us advice on what's best for us and not what they want us to do for their own personal gain. Positive people we should have in our life also include people that look out for our safety, our health and our overall well being. They should encourage us to go after our goals and dreams, to do the right thing at all times, every time, to have manners and respect for others, be examples of how others should show kindness to others themselves, practice what they preach and to make us want to be a better person.

These positive people won't spend all of their time trying to change who you are as a person, but instead provide you with the knowledge that you realize you have a choice as to whether or not you want to improve yourself for the better. Everyone can improve in areas in their life in a positive way, so these positive people are great and even healthy to have in your life.

Don't ever let anyone ever try to change who you are. If you made the responsible choice a long time ago to not drink, smoke or do drugs, for example, why would you want to have people in your life that try and tell you on a constant daily basis that there is something wrong with you for your choice? Instead, you have to realize that if they were really your true friend, they would be taking after your example and would be proud to be your friend because they would admire your decision, strength and resistance to peer pressure.

Negative people in your life are just always going to hold you back from living up to your greatest potential. Keep positive and optimistic people around in your life and never let anyone change who you are as a person. You are a unique person that has a lot of goodness to offer the world. Don't let someone distort your way of how you see yourself just because they are trying to get what they want. You have a greater destiny than that and you just need to stay focused on your path and eventually you will fulfill your destiny one day if you stay true to yourself. You are you for a reason and your higher power had big plans for you. Don't let negative people influence or rub off their bad ways on you. Instead influence or rub some of your goodness on them. You may not know what your higher purpose or destiny is yet, but I know it's going to be great and it's going to make a difference in this world. Just wait.

Ask Mikey: The impact of empathy

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
October 4, 2010

Empathy. The word that has the power for us to put ourselves in another person's shoes to try and understand how they are feeling. The act of empathy goes further than just being considerate of other people because it allows us to figure out what we can do to better the other person's situation.

Empathy is a part of life and very well should be because it can have an inspirational impact on others in our community. For example, the other day I was driving home and noticed in the far right lane a man in a SUV ran out of gas. He had three people that came out from across the street to help push his car to the nearest gas station. It may seem like no big deal to everyone else, but those three people who came out to help him did not have to do that. The point is they wanted to. Who knows, that guy who ran out of gas could have had a terrible day, been struggling for a while financially (hence running out of gas) and may have been suffering from health or relationship issues. The fact that those three other people volunteered to help get his car and him to safety is very moving because it is a great example of being considerate for other people, as well as feeling empathy toward someone other than ourselves.

Little things like this can really change another person's perspective on life, how they view others, and maybe even how they view themselves. When we all have our bad days, the day feels even worse when we feel like we are dealing with it alone. But when someone comes along and takes the time to try and understand how we are feeling, or get involved to find ways to better our situation, and show empathy toward us, the bad day can instantly turn into a great day.

Times may be hard right now for everyone, but it should never ruin our morals, character, values, how we view others in our community, or how we all should still want to help other people - even the rest of the world. Tough times should strengthen us all and bring us all closer in the end because we can help each other get through the rough times, so one day when all of this is over, we can be friends and share the good times together.

Knowing that there are people like the three who helped the guy in our community makes me proud to be a resident here. Many thanks go out to those three guys who helped push the car out of the road for they were a great example of how we can all express empathy towards one another. No empathy ever goes unnoticed. Someone always notices a good deed, especially the person who is receiving it.

Ask Mikey: Things always work themselves out in the end

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
August 22, 2010

Homes are being foreclosed on. Jobs that used to always be around are now vanishing. Loans are harder to get now more than ever. The economy has hit all of us in one way or another. Times have changed and we have all had to makes changes in our lives, make adjustments in some ways. Some adjustments were hard, like having to sell our dream homes or watch our cars get repossessed. Other areas we had to cut back in was eating out, going to weekly movies and deciphering what our needs are compared to what our wants are. For a lot of us we got bombarded with difficult times all at once. Not only did we lose our job, which led to the loss of our house, and eventually our vehicle, but then it affected our health because we were so stressed out. To make matters worse, we are now struggling to pay our child's college tuition this year. Does this sound like how your year has gone so far?

At the time when we are going through these struggles we always seem to look up and just sarcastically ask "What's next? What did I do to deserve this? Am I getting punished for something?" What we don't realize is that while we are going through these struggles the courses of our lives are changing for the better. After all, the only direction we can go in after we have hit rock bottom is up, right?

We all believe in something, whether it's God, other religious figures or even the healing power of an Oreo cookie. The point is whatever higher power you believe in, understand that they are transforming your life right now. Know that you aren't struggling because you deserve it, are getting punished for something you did, or that your higher power does not like you all of a sudden because that is not true. Even you know that sounds foolish. Things happen for a reason and difficult times help define our character and make us into who we are as people. Although we may not realize it while we are going through difficult and trying times, know that one day when you look back at everything that happened in your life that you will then understand.

When you think that things just couldn't get any worse for you, just know that when you least expect it, your life will start improving before you know it. Sometimes going through struggles is good for us because it allows us to get rid of what is in our life that is bad for us or that may leave a negative impact. It's extremely hard while you are going through difficult times to see the positive side, but just know that everything will always work out for you in the end.

You may not understand why it happened the way it did but one day, looking back, you'll realize that your higher power did what was best for you, you just couldn't see it at the time.

Ask Mikey: Don't waste time on things you can't control

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
July 7, 2010 

Have you ever spent so much time worrying about something that in the end was something you realized you never really had any control over to begin with? To where you did everything in your power to make the situation different? Sacrificed your time? Stayed up late thinking about how to solve the situation? Lost sleep over stressing about it? Nowadays, I am pretty sure we can all say that we have done that a few more times than just once.

It’s funny how it takes us making a lot of mistakes in order to learn about what to do in life and even what not to do. We think that we can just take a situation and put our own personal spin on it to either change the way it is going or the outcome it was headed toward and make our own outcome that we feel is best. On the contrary, we never had control over it to begin with, so I guess the joke is really on us in the end.

It’s like when you get your car washed and waxed to give you some extra luck for that fancy job interview and then you watch the rain come pouring down as you’re on your way to your interview. You get frustrated because now you feel like you’re not going to do well at the interview when in all actuality did you really ever have any control over the rain that came pouring down? Absolutely not. However, you still let it affect your attitude. So now if you don’t get the job you’re going to blame it on Mother Nature when the reason why you didn’t get the job is because of how you handled your reaction to the situation. You can’t control the rain when it comes pouring down but you can control the way you react to the rain.

It is going to rain a lot more in your life than you would like it to as you travel on in your path. Instead of worrying about whether or not it’s going to rain or pour, you can get a lot further and accomplish more if you just worry over things you do have control over. By worrying about the rain (something you have no control over) you’re just going to cause an even bigger storm to hit.

Life is not always going to be about sunshine and cascading rays through the beautiful clouds, so once you learn to accept that, even though you may not like the rain, at least now you can be better prepared for when it does come unexpectedly — like the unexpected bill, the pay cut, or the flat tire you will most likely get in the future. Who knows maybe you will be so prepared and only worry about the things you do have control over, to where you won’t even notice when it is pouring rain outside anymore.

Ask Mikey: Optimism, the time is now

Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper
May 27, 2010

Obviously, the economy has been trying for almost everyone. We have tried to not let it get us down, but it has been pretty hard. We all admit we have had our days dealing with how it has affected our wallets, our relationships, and even our health. What if we were looking at this situation wrong the entire time?

There is no doubt that we all have learned something from this economy. Some may have learned lessons about how important it is to save money, while others have learned how important family is. Instead of looking at this situation as a negative one due to things we may have lost, such as homes, jobs or vehicles, maybe we should instead look at what we have all gained from this experience.

Aside from knowledge, did you ever think about courage? I mean if you can get through this economy and all of the struggles you have just gone through up to this point, just think of how you will always be able to handle the future.

You have also gained opportunity.  If there aren’t any jobs out there then why don’t you create your own job?  Think about it. What has always stopped you from doing this in the past? You probably either did not have time because of your full-time job or you were afraid to take the risk. You have no idea where your new business opportunity could take you. You could start something that this economy desperately needs to where you may even be able to create job opportunities for others. Isn’t the possibility of helping other people worth the risk of trying? The worst that could happen is that your idea does not work and you continue looking for a job, just like you were doing before. The only difference is now you can say that you gave your idea a try.

As hard as it may seem at times, try to be optimistic. Although you may have lost your house due to foreclosure or a job you have been at for more than 15 years, see it not as harsh but instead say, “I am thankful for all of the people that I met that were there to support me … my family is stronger now because we all stuck together through all of these struggles … a door closed at the place where I was working, which means there is something else that I am supposed to be doing … and I may have lost my house, but my family and I can make our apartment our new home because we are all still together.”

Everything happens for a reason, and the time to create our own opportunities is now, as long as we all stay positive and try to see everything optimistically. Life is too short. The only person holding you back from creating opportunities for yourself is yourself. You don’t want to look back one day and regret never giving your idea a try. You never know what doors you can open for yourself or your community by doing so.